What if it doesn’t have to be that hard?
On narratives of difficulty and woe + some ways to right-size
First a note: life is challenging, and we don’t all start from the same place. I have no interest in telling folks the very real difficulties of being a living and breathing human are all in their head. Like everything I share, take what works, and forget the rest. Something are hard because we tell ourselves they are. Others are hard because they’re hard. Trust yourself to know which is true for you.
Okay!
One of my good friends messaged me this week, excited. He had agreed to play a show this weekend, and the looming deadline meant he’d leapt with glee into musical tasks he’d been putting off for many months. Here’s what he texted me:
“I feel like a good question to ask oneself is “what would this look like if this were easy?” I’d been torturing myself for a year about should I or should I not try to book/play shows and I had this whole story about what a brutal slog it would be if I tried.”
This resonated with me intensely—esp. as a person who semi-consciously operates from a place of ‘if it’s not hard it’s not real’.
It caused me to reflect personally on what parts of my creative life I’ve been putting off because they’ll be soooo tedious or soooo confronting or some other…
Was I right about what I’d been telling myself?
How would I even begin to know?
Further, I wondered if this applied to things I wasn’t putting off at all but still tend to treat as deeply unpleasant.
Were those things unpleasant? Was I just framing them that way?
What I learned in my investigation is that I tend to assume things will be harder and worse than they are.
AND that enjoyment and good creative outcomes are mutually exclusive—even though I’ll tell anyone else who’ll listen the opposite. There’s always room for growth, I guess.
This week I am sharing some thoughts on how to shift for yourself the idea that things are gonna be a ‘brutal slog’.
Big love and keep going,
Lucy
Thoughts on right-sizing difficulty & woe
MEMO - ASK: What am I telling myself about the tasks I dislike or avoid?
And once you’re clear on what it is, as yourself how true it is, and how you know. For instance, I tend to overestimate how much I need to learn before starting a new project, when almost always you can learn in the doing. When it comes to songwriting, I consider it really sacred and important so I tend to put it off until I feel ready for and worthy of the task — creating a whole lot of unnecessary pressure.
MEMO - ASK: How do I show up when doing those tasks?
Said another way, ‘Because of what I tell myself about the task, who do I bring to do the task?’. For me, my attitude to songwriting means I tend to show up seriously and rigidly ready to do my best, which actually often lead to me not doing work I’d consider anywhere near my best.
MEMO - ASK: What would it look like if this were easy and enjoyable?
Answering this question can require practice. You might try journalling to get clearer answers if nothing comes to mind immediately. You could also just as, ‘What are some other ways to do this’ and assess them for ease and enjoyment laster. This steps also requires some scary letting go to actually try any answers you might get. If you encounter a lot of internal resistance when trying to do things an easier way, try treating the whole thing as an experiment. You can, after all, go back to doing things the hard way.
Let me know: How do you keep yourself honest when it comes to rest, play and procrastination?