The magic of making stuff with friends

How creative friendships can enrich and uplift your life

Jan 28, 2024

Last Saturday I started my day listening to a new song by an old friend—his name is Nate. It was a close-to-final, unreleased mix. “This came together really quickly,” he said “I wanted you to hear it.” I listened on repeat. I teared up a little. (It’s a particularly good track, this track.) I felt earnestly lucky. I’ve been sharing songs and collaborating on music with Nate since 2005–that’s close to twenty years of creative friendship.

So this week, I’m writing about those kinds of friendships—a task which feels especially tender. Friendship is so personal. It comes in infinite shapes. I get uneasy at the mention of friendship expertise, never so more than when applied to me. In that vein, these are things I’ve noticed about the role of (what I’m calling) creative friendships, in my life THUS FAR. My twenties are behind me, but not more than a decade. I’ll bet anyone with a few decades on me has plenty more to say on on sort of thing than I.

Still, I want to offer what I know. I hope it’s useful.

Keep goooooing,

Lucy

FIRST, WHAT DO I MEAN “CREATIVE FRIENDSHIP”?

I’m entirely talking about friendships where you make stuff together, and friendships where you share creative work. I’m not at all talking about professional collabs or long-term creative partnerships, which are like marriages and can be fraught, painful, and even litigious.

AND WHAT’S SO GREAT ABOUT CREATIVE FRIENDSHIPS?

Here’s what I know …

General positive overflow — In my experience, creative friendships generate positive overflow beyond the bounds of the friendship itself, into other areas of your life. At the very least, getting together to share a song-in-progress means finding time in your week to make progress on that song. That’s positive movement. But then there’s also what it does to your brain and creative awareness to be frequently exposed to another person’s creative thinking and taste. Its subtly horizon expanding—propulsive and enriching.

Healthy competition — Regular getting together to make or share work, means regular opportunities to be exposed to the others growing skill and changing interests. Noticing that a friend has leaped ahead provides potent fuel for getting better yourself.

Notable depth — There’s a vulnerability called for and a trust built that seems to go deeper than if you hadn’t made a thing together, or shared something you’re working on. I only have hunches about why this might be. It feels obviously true that any creative act is inherently vulnerable because it is an act of self-expression, for instance. I also think creative friendships naturally get a little ragged and raw at times because of gaps between the vulnerability required and emotional maturity as yet obtain. When you’re able to repair and grow through those moments, lifelong bonds can be created.

OKAY, AND HOW DO I BUILD THESE KINDS OF FRIENDSHIPS?

Here’s more of what I know …

Seek people out, eagerly — It is daunting, and it does require effort. I know. I’m sorry. You will have to find a scene, go to a meet-up, take a class, or talk to a colleague to get the ball rolling. But, there’s a magic and boldness in it—and even just doing the seeking will expand and enrich your life. It can be scary, but it’s worth it.

Start small — To begin with, opt for a low-key version of sharing or collaboration. Get together with another songwriter for a one-off song share, before suggesting to something more regular. Have a casual jam, before vying for a writing collab. Nothing kills the joy of creativity like the heaviness of an ongoing commitment you were never sure you wanted.

Signal clearly — Learning how to clearly signal to others the life-stage of your ideas and/or the kind of feedback you want makes creative friendships run so much more smoothly.

SAYING …

“This sounds ready to release to my ears, but I’d love you to listen super critically and tell why you think I’m wrong”

“This is an early sketch so I’m looking for feedback on the melody not the production right now”

“I have a couple of other ideas for that bass part, I’d love to try them and see how they strike you”

Will pretty much uniformly get you better results than “what do you think?”

Go on adventures together — It doesn’t have to all be about making stuff. Perhaps, in fact, it shouldn’t be all about making stuff. See art together. Eat new, weird food together. Go on a DIY tour in Australia together. It’s all grist, after all.