Is making art even worth it?
On the dreaded "should I keep goings" + some ways to deal
TRUE FACT: I do a lot of magical thinking, a lot of wishing reality to be other than it is.
One of my go-tos is that there might be a person other than myself who could finally tell me my creative pursuits are “worth it” — that I’m making the right choices.
Can you imagine!? How fucking wonderful.
Additionally, the fact of this validation would leave me permanently free from self-doubt! Unfortunately for me, this is a profound impossibility for all humans. Trust that I’ve tried.
The feelings that I’m trying to avoid are those of foolishness and uselessness that come for me when I put stuff out in the world and it seems to fall flat. I feel so so so dumb and embarrassed any time that happens. I imagine people I respect thinking my effort is laughable, foolish, and/or lame given the results. I feel like someone who went for a high five and missed.
Of course, when I unpack it, it makes sense I feel this way. Audience size (via sales, streams, or follows) is the metric of success in the music industry. It’s how you prove your worth to music publications, venues, labels et al.
But so many of us, myself firmly included, doggedly make music without those numbers, sometimes seemingly for no-one. It can get you down, no matter how much you love the craft.
So, I’ve explored some other ways to deal with the dreaded “should I keep goings” — shared below in ‘Memo form.
Big love,
Lucy
‘Memos on keeping on going
MEMO - “Make specifically and deliberately for a tiny audience”
Think of the dozen, or half-dozen, or quarter-dozen folks who’ve loved your work the most fervently, and make music for them. Consider what they’ve told you they loved about your music, then do way more of whatever that is. My latest record, Unfurl, was made and shared in this way before I put it out into the wider world. As a result, I found myself bolstered by the thoughtful feedback and support of a handful of my most beloved friends and collaborators. Their words stuck with me through the more vulnerable process releasing the record. It helped immensely. Folks also liked this record a lot more than anything I’ve released in recent years.
MEMO - “Make for your own archive or treasure trove”
You might also think of this as writing in a locked, private journal—the creation of beautiful things for your ears only. The key is to delight yourself. What collection of songs and sounds would fill you with wonder upon discovery? Make those. Curate lovingly also. Keep folders, playlists, and notebooks of work in progress. Collect yourself.
MEMO - “Make for your own sanity”
When all else fails it becomes vital to remember that you almost certainly must make music (or whatever other art). In the same way almost everyone feels better with more sleep, more exercise, and more nourishing food, music-making becomes part of a healthy lifestyle: a thing to do because it fortifies your life force.
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